I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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