her vagine was all disorganized.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
