Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
