dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Come on in and take your pants off
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