He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
