she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
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