that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
