But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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