the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
