I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
