i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
