This is not my ceiling
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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