dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i want to swaddle you in tequila
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
