If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
