Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
