Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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