His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
