Do you still have your period?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
