i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
