went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
