she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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