Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
