I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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