The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
