Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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