We named our party play list daddy issues
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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