Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
