i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
