I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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