yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
