I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
