I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Randomize
