I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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