I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
