um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
