when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
