ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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