Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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