His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
