i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
