Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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