So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
