Soap is not a condiment
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
