Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
