i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
