im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
