and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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