uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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