you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
