R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
