I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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