I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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